I know this has been a very touchy subject here on Answers, but I am seeing people calling working moms who use daycare selfish and lazy. Some have even said that all moms could stay at home if they didn’t live such extravagant lifestyles. That is so ignorant. Not every persons life is the same as anothers. I for one, dont work because I have an extravagant lifestyle. I work because after taxes, insurance, and child support, my husbands bring home would cover our house payment and the insurance, and maybe a couple of packs of diapers. Certainly not enough to cover groceries, car insurance, car payment, electricity, water, phone, clothes, etc. While there may be some women who could afford to stay at home, that is not true for every woman. We don’t “DUMP” our kids in daycare. I personally use a private sitter. Why can’t we just have respect for all moms, working or staying at home? We all love our kids, and we all deserve to be moms. Daycares do not raise our kids! We do!
Sorry for the rant, but it is just really insulting to see some of the people on here, saying that we all could stay at home if we wanted to. I would if I could, but like I said, my husbands income wouldn’t cover our bills, and we certainly wouldn’t have anything left over if our vehicle broke down and needed to be repaired, or we had a major plumbing leak, or GOD FORBID one of us was injured and we had to pay medical bills that were not covered by insurance. My brother makes good money and his wife stays at home, and I see how every month they are stuggling to make ends meet. Right now they don’t even have insurance on their car, and have had their electricity cut off 2 times. I don’t want to have my kids in that situation. And when we go to the store I don’t want to have to tell my kids they can’t have a $10.00 toy because “We can’t afford it”. I want better for my kids.
danskecat: Daycares do not raise my kids!!!! I raise my kids. Since my son gets on the school bus at 7:00 and gets home at 4:00 I guess that means that the school raises him too, huh? Don’t judge till you walk a mile in someones shoes.
I don’t take my daughter to daycare if I am not working. I never go to the store after work, as I go straight to the sitters to pick her up and she goes with me. I spend every single minute outside of work with my kids. I never go out with friends or family, unless my kids go with me. So NO, my daughters sitter is not raising her. No more than my sons school is raising him.
I think we all need to stop insulting working moms and also stop insulting stay at home moms, and be grateful that the children are being cared for and were not aborted or left in a dumpster somewhere. At least they have moms who love them and care for them.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Amen Sister!!!
November 24th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
true, but when are people going to stop judging stay at home moms so harshly also? My gf is divorced with three kids, the money she gets from her ex barely pays the rent, and he is complaining, and getting her oldest son to complain that all she does is stay at home and play on the computer. This is a woman who got married soon after highschool and has been raising the kids ever since, not exactly a good resume for job hunting even if she could find one with a schedule she could work around.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
i agree with you. being a working mom is a tough job and i give you props for doing it.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
kudos to you! I think what you are doing is the right thing, who cares what they think, they probobly have husbands that make more money than they possibly need. How can you feed a kid if you stay home all day? How does that pay for food?? i wonder how they live that long like that. its just me and my boyfriend and we struggle enough as it is.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Amen! People need respect, period. Choice of working or not is their choice. Others should not judge. I think some STHMs( not all) just think they are “better” if they are STHMs. I know STHMs stay at home for selfish reasons too, because they can’t part with their kid. And the kid is such a clingy/whiny little brat.
November 24th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Daycares do raise your kids if they are in it 40 hours a week starting as infants all the way to pre-school.
November 24th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Now, i will agree with you, not all moms can stay home with their children. Some (even ones who work) could though. Anyway, I work in a daycare, and ALOT of the parents who take their kids there bring them in all day long even when they dont work, that to me is sorry, if you dont want to take care of the child, dont have it. So, if you arent working and bring your kid in all day, then yes, the daycare worker is raising the child, i have kids who prefer me to their mommies.
When you work, and you pick up your child as soon as you get off work and keep them home with you when you arent working, then i wouldnt say that was a sorry parent.
but face it, not all moms derserve to be moms, and dont need respect, and they do “dump” their children.
November 24th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
I totally agree with you. But you must remember that there is prejudice in every one and also in ever culture, America being no exception. I work and also have my kids in daycare or P.S. If they don’t like the fact that I have to do this, then by all means they can pay my bills and I’ll stay home and take care of the kids. They are mines and I adore and love them, so no biggie for me to take care of them at home.
November 24th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
never look at the rippling effect kids in gangs earlier and earlier chidren shooting up schools kids with no respect for nothing before women were working 40- 60hrs a week they raised the kids they knew what there children were doing and now with so many single parent homes they are needed more than ever the state has to takeover giving kids adult sentences in the pen everything is zero tolerance now all because of woman who put there career over their kids
November 24th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
damned if you do damned if you don’t.
I have to say though, I work at a daycare. and yes we do play a BIG part in your kids lives. So if you do use a daycare, make sure your child is TRULY cared for. Trust your instincts and most of all………look to see if the kids are happy when you come to get your child. How do the kids look? That’s the bottom line. Are they, for the most part, happy? Or do they run like hell to get out of there and cling to anyone with hopeless looks on their faces. CHOOSE YOUR DAYCARE CAREFULLY. If you child hates it after a week, find another one.
November 24th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Yeah, right, you raise your kids. Are you the private sitter?
I’ll quit bitching about ‘working moms’ when they quit using their kids for every lame excuse to get out of work. I’ve seen it too many times and, personally, I’m sick of them and their non-stop whining. And doing their work, cos they’re gone.
DON’T BREED ‘EM IF YOU CAN’T FEED ‘EM.
November 24th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Yes, but people also judge stay at home moms. I have had several people tell me I need to go out and get a job and put my kids in daycare. So why would I do that if I dont need to. They say this to me, because they dont understand how I can stay at home and be around my kids all the time and do nothing, but clean , cook, take the kids or, help with homework, etc., etc..I dont feel couped up in anyway. People who stay at home cant understand why other mothers work. I dont agree with dumping children in daycare. That doesnt mean all moms though. SOme have to work, who are single, or their husbands check dont cover enough amd that is fine. But I know there are people though that do just Dump their kids. My best friend does that. I dont agree with it at all. She never has her kids. When she gets them from daycare she drives them over to her moms so she can go out or just be at home alone..I think that is what some parents are talking about when they say that about some people leaving their kids in daycare. Maybe Im wrong. I guess she is what I envision when I think of daycare. But I know all the parents are not like that.
November 24th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
I am a SAHM and I despise this also. I once was a working mom because I had to work to help provide for my family. I am now in a situation and have been for the past 3 years where I am able to stay home with my kids. But, next year, I will have to return to the workforce. It is rediculous to think that one is better than the other. I do believe that if you can stay home with your children and still have plenty of money, then you should. But, if you need to work to provide, then it is fine. And by provide, I mean a comfortable home, a reliable vehicle, money to buy clothes and take your kids to the movies, or zoo or buy them a toy. If you are doing what you really think is best for your children, then you have nothing to be ashamed of either way. who cares what other people think!
November 24th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Oh, honey, what ever we do, we are always going to be judged.
People who stay at home are accused of sponging off the taxes of workers, people who work are accused of having extravagant lifestyles and dumping children off in daycare.
There are always those who will be ignorant and judgmental, just as there will always be those who are having these judgments thrown at them. Then, there are the women who are called names for having children too early or late in life, or having too many children, or having children too close together or too far apart, or not having enough children.
Then, there are those slandered for bottle feeding, picked on for having a breastfeed only point of view, and those cursed for giving dummies, criticised for not allowing dummies….
Goodness, life would be so much easier if we all kept out of other peoples affairs, and only gave the advice that was asked for when it was requested.
You’re right, we need to be more tolerant and respectful of other people’s decisions and know that what works for our family doesn’t work for others, so there are always going to be differences.
November 24th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
wow! i have been seeing these types of comments on here lately whats all the argument about? everyone needs to give it a rest i guess! i was a working mom for most of my life to support my kids being that i was a single teenage mother…i had to work overnight shifts so my parents could babysit, i had to live with my parents for a extended amount of time so i could afford to live, i had to do what i could…i am now a stay at home mom going on 9months for the first time ever and wow! i feel a little more productive in my kids lives but not a whole lot because i tried hard to be there even when i did work…staying at home is just as stressful in my opinion as going to work if not more so…but a woman with a child will do as she must in order to survive…not live lavish because in this day and age its damn near impossible to make enough money to do more then just get by…a female who is selfish and letting others raise her kids is going to do so no matter if she works out of the home or not period!!
November 24th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
You are right, this is a touch subject. But you are right, there are times, when one income just won’t pay the bills. Sadly, more and more jobs are forcing mothers to go to work because they don’t pay enough…like teachers! Sorry, my husband is a teacher, and yes, he doesn’t make much. We have had to scrimp and worry because I had to quit my job when I got pregnant because I have been on bed-rest. I don’t know how we are going to make it. My husband and I decided we aren’t going to a daycare, but I do know the need is there. They have their purpose. It is sad that employers aren’t paying enough or offering enough benefits that all moms could just stay home and be with their kids…I mean that is a full time job in and of itself! I don’t know how some moms go to work and still come home and be wife and mom too…they must have amazing strength! I wish we could all stay home, but it just isn’t possible…period! If you can stay home, you should be grateful you can, and yes some do just go to work ’cause they want to “get out” or to earn money so they can have a lavish lifestyle…but for the most part, it is because one income just doesn’t pay the bills. Good luck to you! I am sorry you are getting so much ‘judging…’ it doesn’t make your job any easier does it! Best of wishes!
November 24th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
When are people going to stop judging teen moms? When are people going to quit judging unmarried parents? Probably never. Same for working moms.
November 24th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I totally agree with you I work because we need the money to pay bills, rent, insurance, and the rest that we need thank god our cars are paid allready, but still we are saving as much as we can to buy our home to give something better to our kids… But not because we like for our children to be in school or at daycare.. that’s why the weekends it is called FAMILY TIME to spend and have fun with our kids that way they will know even thougth we work hard to give them what they need we still have time for them because we love them and that’s why we decided to have them, hopefully in the future I will have a a part time job that way I will spend more time with them but I personally think is not about he amount of time you spend with your kids is the quality of time.. There are some stay home mom’s that spend less time with their kids even thougth they are at home all day… But there’s people who don’t think before they speak or in this case before they type…But like you said even stay mom’s live day by day and migth not have money to save or to spend on a trip with kids just for saving the $$ from daycare.. Thank god we have $$ to pay bills other expenses, to save and to a trip every summer and winter vacation…. I’m with you it won’t matter if kids are in day care as long as they in goods hands …….
November 24th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I agree with you sister mine other peoples bussiness there are so many reasons why people have to leave there children but they take care of them know WHERE is BEST for them
November 24th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
I think that moms that work outside of the home are taking a “vaction” from their kids and never really get to know them. I don’t down working moms, but I do think that stay at home moms work more than moms that go outside of the home to work. They only deal with their kids for maybe 72 hours a week.
I think that it is sad. But, you have to do what you have to do!
I am proud to be a SAHM!!!
November 24th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
I agree with you. When I tell friends from church that I work outside the home, I get this look. I can see the questions behind their eyes: “They must really be in debt! They can’t handle their finances enough for her to stay home.” The list goes on and on. I would love to stay home with my daughter, but I can’t. We need two incomes to make ends meet. I don’t live in a house. I have an apartment. I drive an 8 year old car that’s paid for. I’m paying off credit card debt (not that much!) and a student loan. Nothing extravagant about that. Yet, one of my best friends has a house payment and a car payment and she’s able to make it as a stay at home mom of 3 children. We all do what we need to.
I’m with everyone here who thinks people will always judge other people… no matter what. It’s sad, but it’s true.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
When are people going to stop judging stay at home moms? We get the same bad rap. It doesn’t matter in any case because no one should say anything until they’ve had to live that way.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
I am a stay at home mom. I feel blessed to be able to stay at home. I for one would never judge anyone for working. I don’t judge people for working even if they want an extravagant lifestyle. It is their choice. Working parents are not bad people. They do the best they can and sometimes I feel that some working parents actually appreciate their children more. They do more with them because they can’t be with them all of the time.
The people that judge you are obviously just uneducated and ignorant. They have no choice but to stay home because they can’t get a job. Don’t let ignorant fools make you angry. You are obviously a wonderful mother and you should be proud.
ETA: I just read St. Helena Woman’s answer and she just proved my point. She views staying at home as work and she said that working parents don’t have to deal with their kids. Sounds like a resentful mom to me. She sounds like she can’t stand being around her kids. If I ever view staying at home as work, I will be the first one to get a job. I don’t ever want to feel that way toward my kids.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
Human nature is to look at the extremes, and jump on it. It doesn’t matter that 98 percent of working moms and 98 percent of stay at home moms are doing a helluva good job raising their children; people will always judge those who are different (ie. SAHM vs. Working moms and vice versa), and they will always look to the extreme examples.
SAHM hear all the time about how they’re lazy and do nothing all day, how they should get a job, how NO ONE needs to spend that much time at home, and if a working mom can do it all AND work 40 hours a week, why can’t they.
Working moms always hear about how they shouldn’t have kids if they can’t afford to stay home with them, how they have it easy since they dont’ have the stress and strain of dealing with their kids all day long, how they’d rather have Coach handbags and Manolo Blahnik shoes instead of a relationship with their children.
Yeah. About 2 percent MAYBE fall into the above descriptors of “lazy, selfish, self-centered” etc. etc. The rest are trying to do the best they can based on their own family’s needs and circumstances. But, people love to judge, and the more different your situation is from another person’s, the more harshly they will judge you.
Personally, I think it would kill me to be at home all the time, not earning money, and not having an outside job. At the same time, I’m personally not comfortable leaving my child in daycare/with a sitter at her young age, so, I understand where both sides are coming from in their own defense, but I don’t understand why people have to attack the other side.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I agree with you.. I am a working mom too..
November 25th, 2009 at 12:18 am
You know I don’t know why anyone would be so ignorant and say things like that about working moms. I am a working mom and you know what I have to work in order to provide for my daughter and myself. If I didn’t work then what, I would be called lazy and irresponsible. People should be praising you for working so hard to maintain your household. Don’t listen to those people, they are just ignorant with nothing better to do than to make themselves feel better by putting us down. We work because we love our children and we want to give them everything they need.