Okay, really, I have been home for 3 months, after getting fired from work. Hopefully I will get my job back soon, as it’s still being fought for……..but that’s a different story.
He throws the whole, well I have a job, you don’t. I make the money, I can spend my money however I want to. Now that I am home he basically refuses to help me with the kids AT ALL, not even for me to take a shower by myself. He wasn’t much better when I was working, if I was home he didn’t take care of the kids much then either. I found out that while he was working, through someone that even when he was home alone with the kids, the kids would be screaming in the background while he played video games. He leaves the house whenver he feels like it, but if I go somewhere I am obligated to take them with, I have to find someone to watch the kids for me so I can get out of the house. He just left all ticked off, telling me hopes I get shot in the face, because I am nothing but a b*tch all the time. Then he says, oh never mind, you don’t have job, you have no life insurance. Can you blame me? He has a motorcycle and says, well I didn’t go riding multiple times when I could have to be home with my family, but………I don’t comprehend what it mattered when he was playing video games ignoring his kids anyway. Then he complains that I am spending too much time at my parents house, for starters it’s a place where I can get a little bit of a break and my parents actually pay attention to the kids. What do i do? Do I have a right to be unhappy?
He was rarely like this prior to our second child, once I had my second daughter……….
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:27 pm
You picked him. Sorry
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:57 pm
He’s a horrible husband. It’s the family’s money. Tell him if he doesn’t stop you’ll leave the state, but just go to like your mom’s. You deffinatly have the right to be unhappy.
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Sounds like he’s cheating and is bored with you. I’d have a friend over so that I could follow him one time and the kids could stay with the friend….Your guy sounds like a loser.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:19 am
I would never tolerate that and if I were you I would confront him and say I want a divorce.. I could never be married to a person like that and if he can truly be that selfish I don’t believe he loves his children all that much
November 24th, 2009 at 1:14 am
You need a job
November 24th, 2009 at 1:58 am
get a lawyor, get some advice and get out of there. There is alot o help out there now to help women and children in your position. not a great life is it. and not good for your kids. leave him, and take care of your kids properly.
November 24th, 2009 at 2:40 am
you leave his sorry ass
November 24th, 2009 at 3:19 am
you have every right, your husband sounds like a selfish jerk! it doesn’t sound like the best environment for your kids either.
November 24th, 2009 at 3:20 am
ugh what a jerk why did you have kids with him??!!
November 24th, 2009 at 3:43 am
I know exactly how you feel my man is the exact same way.. hes never even changed one diaper.. im left to do everything because i dont “work” well i work all all day long taking care of the house and his child.. but he cant even take the time to spend some quality time with his son because hes out all the time on his bike.. or working on a bike or car.. I cannot leave the house without my son on my hip but he leaves all the time with his friends. at least i know im not the only one….you have every right to be unhappy…
November 24th, 2009 at 3:59 am
He;s just bitter because he has to work so hard, He doesn’t relize he would have to work hard wether you were working or not.. He sounds like he’s tired also. Work at a daycare. It’s a win win you can take your kids to work with you..
November 24th, 2009 at 4:29 am
you are allowed to be unhappy, but from your post it sounds like he wasn’t much from the beginning, you made a choice to marry him and have kids and now you see him more clearly for what he is. I feel sorry for you and hope you find a way to work through this for your children’s’ sake.
November 24th, 2009 at 4:32 am
I am pretty sure his is abusive and if it were me (and once upon a time it was me) I’d leave, no talking just go.
He’s verbally abusive, he doesn’t contribute to the care of his own children, he expects you to carry the burden of childcare and household care. I’d be moving in with my folks right now, and he can throw his weight around an empty house.
November 24th, 2009 at 5:05 am
I’d pack my bags, my kids, and head on out. What a worthless POS (him, not you). Get a lawyer and apply for full custody. He’ll have to pay a TON in child support, not to mention you won’t be treated like crap on a daily basis.
Do it for your kids. Is your situation how you want your kids to think women should be treated? No!
November 24th, 2009 at 5:42 am
Sounds like one of you is gonna have a breakdown soon.
Do you have the right to be unhappy?
Interestingly worded question. Don’t let anyone take your power.
You’ve got your kids. Don’t choose to be unhappy.
November 24th, 2009 at 6:11 am
I didn’t read this cause it’s too long.. I’m guessing you fuss about things too often and he is an asshole! Good luck in your marriage! / divorce
November 24th, 2009 at 6:50 am
i would leave him and find a better man.
November 24th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Im going to assume your hubby wasnt like that when u married him. This guy seems like an ass but who knows its all a matter of perspective. regardless, what kind of crappy father plays video games when he should be spending quality time with his kids. Their gonna hate him when they grow up if he doesn’t change.
November 24th, 2009 at 7:54 am
yes you do. he has no respect for you! I’m a stay at home mom,always have been and my husband helps me with the kids when he gets home from work all the time,He enjoys his video games too but only once the kids are off to bed. I don’t think your in a healthy relationship at all and your kids are gonna grow up to think its okay to talk to people the way he does to you. i don’t understand how you can just let someone talk to you that way or stay with someone who isnt their to support you when your going through rough times. you had his kids and was working to help out so i think you deserve lots of respect for that.And i know that just being home with the kids is quite stress full whether you work of not,caring for kids and your home and husband is lots of work in itself. you really need to figure out if this is the person who you plan on spending your entire life with.if he doesnt change his ways you’ll always be miserable. good luck
November 24th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Ouch that is not a great situation at all. It takes two loving parents to create a good home life for their children. The feelings within your home will definitely influenence the attitudes of your children.
Sometimes all the stresses of money, work and fatigue make things rough within a family unit, and instead of drawing closer together and leaning on each other, things go the opposite direction instead. It takes a lot of work to get things molding back in the right manner.
Maybe some family counseling might help. There are even web sites for it now if you do not want to leave home for it, or you can ask a church counselor to help get things back in prospective.
You have to work on your home life being better for the sake of the kids. What they see now will definitely affect who they will become in the future.
Goodluck
Ladymermaid
November 24th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I left my ex over this (your husband sounds exactly like my ex)
I found somebody else and now I am much happier
my new husband is wonderful with my daughter. we have been married 4 mos I am 3 mos pregnant and we are very happy together
my ex finally decided to be a good father after I left
he has also since remarried. a woman that though I don’t like her that much she is great with Caiti and has whipped him into shape
everything has worked out wonderfully because I left
you do not deserve to be unhappy and you do have the right to be so.
November 24th, 2009 at 9:18 am
WTF???What an insensitive @$$hole!!! You know what? BEING A FULL TIME PARENT IS A JOB!!! How the feck does your husband think the dinner gets put on the table, the house get cleaned, the laundry get done and put away, the groceries get bought…
It sucks to be a single parent when you’re in a relationship with the kids’ father. I’ve been there, and I still have to remind him from time to time, he’s their parent, too.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think you should just take the kids and your stuff and STAY with your parents if they’ll have you. Then you can do the cooking and cleaning for mom, while you get a break from the kids.
And let him wallow in his shallowness, with his job and life insurance and motorcycle.
November 24th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Why do men have to be so lame sometimes? My husband and I had a fight the other day and he said, “I hope you die.” Really? He wasn’t saying that last night.
He just seems immature, as we can all be at times. You need to be straight with him and let him know that it would be nice to take a shower once in a while. Plus, he should really cut back on the video games and spend some time with the kids.
I work part-time and go to school full time. I don’t make much money at all, my husband is the breadwinner for now. I graduate in December, so hopefully I can start contributingmore. Don’t ever let him make you feel guilty for not making enough money. You are a team. Would he rather pay thousands of dollars in child care, just so you can have your name on a paycheck from work?
I am sure this will pass, and tomorrow everything will be back to normal. Just try to make some changes so this same argument doesn’t keep happening.
November 24th, 2009 at 10:36 am
I am sorry. You deserve better treatment then that!!!
November 24th, 2009 at 11:02 am
It sounds like you’re both stressed out over your current situation and you’re taking it out on each other. You guys are weathering this storm separately rather then together. I think you should try marital counseling.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:16 am
He can tell that it is a sore subject with you losing your job and he knows it will hurt you when he says things like that. What kind of husband would say such things. Pamper yourself up, leave him and find a man that you deserve. You will be unhappy and have low self esteem if you keep listening to that crap. Now if he is just having a hard time and you think he will change, then ride it out. If not. Forget him.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Are you me?
Cause this sounds like what I’m in right now
Except I haven’t worked in a longer time.
You have every right to feel the way you do about this whole thing.
& Honestly. I can tell you it’s going to take a long time till things are better.
I’ve been with Hubby now for over 3 years we have a 20 month old son & I just had our second child 8 days ago .
He’s been off of work now for almost 3 months he got laid off.
Now he’s saying that I should go to work & bring in the money
Saying that he is sick of paying all the bills etc etc
He blames me for him getting laid off
Now he starts his new job tomorrow & he doesn’t want to go he thinks I should work too .
I am not saying no to working , He just doesn’t understand that right now isn’t a good time
When I was pregnant he kept forcing me to find a job & I would look everywhere & peolpe would say no cause I was pregnant
Then it made me feel horrible cause I couldn’t provide for my family & he would rub it in my face
He woudln’t support me in anything
Ever since he got laid off he would sit on the couch every single day watching movies & STILL woudln’t help with the kids
It drove me nuts. He goes back tomorrow
But it’s all going to get worse
He thinks I’m a horrible person cause I “can’t” work
it’s not that I refuse to , It’s that I can’t
I’m a receptionist it’s not difficult work & it’s not difficult to find
But when taking care of a new born & a 20 month old alone it’s difficult
Then he says he will stay home to watch them..
But inside you know that he wont… It’s not exactly motivation to want to go back to work while leaving the kids home with a lazy a s s
I guess I’m telling you this cause Your not alone.
The only way I deal with it is just deal with it.
It’s not easy but it has to be done.
We have our moments of fighting cause of these issues
& there are far more worse issues that go beyond this as well.
We have considered counseling.. But he has to WANT to or it’s never going to work .
Hope things go well
Just remember your NOT the bad person.
He’s just an A s s
November 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am
This makes me super thankful for my husband… who always helps out a LOT with the baby. Aside from waking up in the middle of the night with her (when she used to do that) because he works full time and I don’t. But when he is home from work he helps out SO much. Right now he is away for 4 months for training (he’s in the army), and he misses her every second. I feel like a single mother while he’s away, but one that doesn’t have to work haha. But anyways, we get to see him over labor day weekend and I know that besides when I have to feed her (she breast feeds), that he will be with her the entire weekend… as well he should be!
Anyways, this is an example of a good father, and your husband is an example of a lame one. There are dads all over who would love to be spending time with their children, but can’t because they are fighting for this country. And here’s your husband, who can’t even watch them while you take a shower. You don’t deserve that, and your kids don’t deserve that. He helped bring them into this world, and he needs to share the responsibilities equally. Just because you don’t “go” to work, doesn’t mean you aren’t working full time at home. You need a break and he needs to man up and give you one!
“telling me hopes I get shot in the face, because I am nothing but a b*tch all the time.” WOW… if my husband ever said anything remotely close to that I would be a MESS. I know he never would, but I’m sorry you have to put up with that.
He needs to get his act together or he needs to get out.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
you have every right to be unhappy if I were in a situation like that I would be. are you unhappy with your marriage aswell? it doesn’t sound like he treats you very well, you would probably be better off if you split up.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Honestly, I couldn’t take all that. I understand that women usually do get stuck with the housekeeping and childcare when they are SAHM, but it sounds like he doesn’t want to do anything at all and is being really selfish.
Talk about leaving or counseling, because it sounds like if you don’t try to fix things now your relationship will continue downhill. If it is not worth saving you might want to think about divorce.
Is it possible for you and your kids to leave to your parents house for a while? Tell him you and the kids are unhappy and you need a break. Maybe it will help or maybe it will help you realize what you both really want.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
There are so many answers here so i dought mine will have much impact so i will answer with the best i can. First thing I wanna say is im sorry for what you are going through. But I’m guessing with what you said you guys ussually end up yelling at each other when you talk? Since you said he did not used to be this way, there must be something that triggered it, maybe stress in his life? However regardless of whatever his reasons for acting the way he does, that gives him no right to be that way. I’d say what you need to do is try as best as you can to talk it out with him find out the things that are bothering him, why he wont help with the kids, and why does he run off all the time? I’m guessing he takes off when things get heated. Im not sure how tempered he is, but if you can have a calm conversation with him that doesnt end in yelling it might help, which i know its easier said than done. I personally would have little patience with the guy if he acted that way, and im a pactient person. Also when you ask him why he doesnt help with the kids? If he says cause i have a job and you dont so its your responisbility. Then you should ask him, So that means your not gonna get envolved in your own kids life? Maybe it will help him realize that as a father he has the reponsiblity to be a part of his childrens lives. And if talking with him, and tryin to understand each other doesnt help, then your best option would probley be to leave, where as it may be hard to do, especially if you still love him, It would be the best thing for you and your children to get out of that atmophere. Hope i was able to help, best of luck to you.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
sounds like mine. let me know when you figure out what to do. I could use the help to.
November 24th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Wow! He sounds like a complete, total jerk!
He doesn’t even deserve the title to be a husband and let alone a father! Sounds like he has serious control issues. You do NOT deserve to be treated like this and neither does your children.
You should explain to him that NO matter if you have a job or not you are still at home ALL day long with the children and that is no easy task- especially when two little ones both need your attention almost the entire time of the day. Tell him that you are TRYING to get your job back and until then, he needs to respect that you are staying at home with your children to take care of them.
If I were you, I would go to your parents house and stay there until he realizes that he is wrong. I am terribly sorry you are having to go through this. But really, he is no father and he is no husband. Go to your parents house. Seriously. This guy is a jerk wad and needs a reality check, and maybe going to your parents house will make him realize- then on the other hand if that doesnt help, I would consider not being with him- as this is really not a marriage- and it takes two people to be a parent- one parent should NOT have all this on them. Good luck, sweetie!
November 24th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I couldn’t even get through reading half of this without feeling sick to my stomach. You do not deserve to be treated this way! Have you considered marriage counseling? Would he be willing to try that? I don’t think just getting up and leaving would be the right answer but on the other hand you and your kids deserve to be treated better than this.
November 24th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
sounds alot like andrew.. im sorry you are going threw this!… yes you have a right to be upset i say leave him if ya can.. or if you want to work it out maybe counseling?
November 24th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I am so sorry you are going thru this.. really. You are not horrible, he is treating you horrible, but you are not horrible. I really don’t know what to say on it though. You asked if you are “allowed to be unhappy” & that is so sad. I know people may disagree… they just jump & say “leave him” so I might get TD’s. You don’t mention wanting to leave him & if I am not mistaken you believe marriage is sacred & divorce should only be the result of infidelity… I believe the same. If he was like this in the beginning I’d say you are out of luck, he would probably stay an azz, but since he was not like this before, there must be something going on. Big-time. No one just becomes a royal jerk over night. I think ya’ll would really benefit from counseling. It may be a long hard road, but ya’ll may be able to get it back to how it was. Also, he may really take a look at himself when he is acting like a jerk in front of someone else. It is easy for him to treat you however in the privacy of your home, but in counseling ya’ll will have a “mediator” & he will most likely look in the mirror & realize he is wearing you down emotionally. G&S do not need all this & he needs to see that. They deserve a daddy & mommy that love each other as much as ya’ll love them. Good luck in whatever you choose & I will pray for ya’ll.
November 24th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
I know what you are going through. This may sound bad, but I am kind of glad that someone in the family knows what I mean now when I complain about taking care of my daughter all the time by myself.
It sucks to feel like a “single parent” when you are married. And not being able to take a shower alone is the worst! If I want one it has to be really late at night or a quick one in the five minutes I wake up before her. But I know it is probably even harder for you since the baby doesn’t sleep as much.
Plus I know he fell asleep sitting up or on the couch alot when he was supposed to be watching the girls. Asleep enough that someone could walk into the house, sit on the couch and play with the girls for over half an hour before he even noticed!
Just remember that there are grandparents right down the street who would love to help out for a couple hours a week. That could give you the chance to take a nap, take a shower, get groceries alone etc. The small simple things we used to take for granted! I know it is hard for me to remember it too, and I don’t want to give my daughter up, but we should both take advantage of all the close family members who would help out in a second because not everyone is that lucky.
November 24th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
You don’t deserve to be unhappy like this. I want to tell you to leave him, but I know that part of your heart loves him and wants there to be hope.
November 24th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Frankly part of it is, your husband’s a jerk and taking advantage of your (and your children’s) dependence on his income and benefits.
Secondly, this is part of a larger problem in society. Over the last 60 years or so, being a wife and mother has no longer been seen as a actual “job” the demands of women have become more (they are expected to be a wife, mother and work all full time if not more, otherwise they are seen as lazy). Where the expectations of men have become less (if a man even sticks around) he is ONLY expected to work a job, but has no responsibilities for the children he assisted in making.
Third, why would you have more children with this man if he didn’t already take care of the children you had?
Other then telling him flat out that HE helped make the children and HE needs to help in taking care of them (other then financially). This isn’t him just being stressed if he was like this when you were working. Tell him your kids need QUALITY time (mean getting his butt off the video games). If he complains your spending too much time at your parents house, why doesn’t he come with you? If you and HIS children are THAT much of a burden to him, maybe he doesn’t need to be around.
November 24th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
that sounds like my b.f on a occasion….he goes off whenever he likes, but when i want to go off. which is like1 time every 3 months. he refuses and gets mad. im like seriously.. i cant give you advice on how to help, but you DEFINITELY have a reason to be unhappy
November 24th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
sounds just like my bf
ignores my son all the time
its like im pulling teeth with a spoon to get money
then i get told how to raise him and what to do
and i got told becuase i said someting i dont even remember but he was going to crash the car so i could go through the windshield and i was like well ur sons in the car to and he was like hell be fine yeah ok
u have the right to be unhappy…and u have the right to say something and speak up for yourself
and they are your parents who cares…tell him if he payed attetion to u and helped out then u wouldnt go and hide
like i said my bf is the same way and i feel ur pain
u have a right to be unhappy and bitch all the time if u really want to
my advice is there is something going on if he was not like this before
try talking to him
and talk often
if still after talking and trying and pointing out what hes doing and when
maybe video tape or recored what goes on so he can see it for himself sometimes thats an eye opener
but if that dosent work go to consuling and take stuff from there
November 24th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
It sounds like you would be better off without him hun, after all you pretty much do it alone anyway!
sending you lots of *hugs*, you’ll make the right choice for you and your kids!
xx