Please hear my story before you judge. I am married, and my husband and i have been married for 6 years now. We have a 1 year old son, who is a ’special needs’ baby, and is on medicines and many doctors appointments. We live in a very small town, and his closest doctor is a 45 minute drive away. Everything has been fine until about 6 months ago. My husbands work went out of business, and our only car broke down. We were renting to own a house, but the owner of the house passed away unexpecdedly, so we were forced to move out, and now live in an apartment. Yes, our son has WIC, etc, but WIC only covers half of his formula since it is prescribed by his doctor because of his health needs. Also, the state insurance doesnt cover his medicine, which we could afford until all this other stuff happened. We love our son very much. But everything in our life seems to be going wrong and we can barely afford to live. I just want the best for my son, someone who can afford to provide for him.
Liek i said, we really love our son. We put all of our money to him. Sometimes my husband and i dont eat, etc, just so we can affford to buy his medicine. I am doing the best i can as a mother,really. But i cant handle it anymore. We live in a very small town, with little to no job opportunities. My husband has a fake knee-cap from a Navy injury from 8 years ago, and he is having a hard time finding a job. I stay home with our son because we cant afford daycare anymore. I too am adopted. I would ask my parents for help, but i dont have any. My husband has a only a mom, who cant help either. I just need some advice on what to do. We were a perfect little family, and now everything has taken a turn for the worse. I dont care if i get to eat or not, i just want the best for my son.
Some of you are VERY rude and hurtful. I am not trying to ‘give away my son’ just so i can have more money. I am thinking about adoption so that he can have everything he needs and deserves. How does that make me a bad mother, because i care about his needs?
I do not own a computer or cell phone. I dont even have a phone line. I am at the local library, but thanks for assuming, being rude to me, and making me feel worse
I Need some Advice on Whether Or Not I Sould Put my Baby Up for Adoption?
Sun, Nov 22, 2009
47 Responses to “I Need some Advice on Whether Or Not I Sould Put my Baby Up for Adoption?”
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November 22nd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Dont
November 22nd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
The chances of a special needs child being adopted are slim to none. He may go from institution to institution or a series of foster homes. Only you can decide if you can live with that.
November 22nd, 2009 at 2:47 pm
let him stay with a distant relative.. until you are more stable… if you give him up, it could be one of the worst decisions ever made… i miss my brother… he got put up for adoption… imagine how the 1 year old will feel…
November 22nd, 2009 at 3:40 pm
who is paying for the Internet, and this expensive computer??
November 22nd, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Oh my god, that’s a really touching story. You are right, you do want the best for your son. I’d say, maybe you could put him into the hands of a family member just for a few months..so you can get it all together. Then, you can be with him again. But, then again, if you do put him up for adoption, when he grows up then he’ll think that you didn’t love him and all..maybe if you do put him up for adoption, write him a letter to be given to him for his twelfth birthday saying, “Dear (his name), I want you to know that I love you and……” do something like that. But, the most important thing is that you love him, no matter what!
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:15 pm
well honestly it may be the best you can do for him…however hard it may be
if possible you could send him to another family emmber for a while till you can get financially stable again…but if you have no other options it may be best for the child…
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Wow, that’s a really hard situation. I think you need to really think this one through and consider all of your options. I would use it as a last resort. Do you know someone who would be able to support your son well and would be willing to do that? You may want to ask someone you know to adopt so that you can still be a part of his life. It’s good that you are considering this option, it means that you really do care about what is going on with your child. As long as you put his needs first you cannot make a mistake in his life.
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:44 pm
And what if your husband gets a new, better paying job right after you adopt the kid out? What if you win the lottery? What if the adoptive parents are total assholes? Hang in there, it’s always darkest just before the dawn.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:00 pm
You are being a good mother and don’t let anyone tell you different. The fact that you are putting your son’s needs before yours proves that. If there isn’t any other family member ( mother, sister or brother ) that can help you out for the time being than I sugest you do put him up for adoption. You can probably have some agreement which you will still be able to visit him on a regular basis too. You are a great person.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:40 pm
I feel for you! Call your social service department and see what additional resources you may be able to get. I had a friend who made the decision to put her child in a home for special needs children. It was very difficult for her. In the end, it is a decision only you can make, but don’t make it until you have gotten some counseling in this regard. Please take care!
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Call your son’s pediatrician to see if they know of any assistance programs. If they can’t help, ask to be put in touch with a social worker- they may be able to help you find assistance that you’re not aware of. It hardly seems right for someone else to raise your son- if you’re willing to give him up to get what’s best for him, you obviously love him enough to do the most selfless thing a parent can do. And if you love him that much, you should be the one to raise him. I truly hope things start to get better for you.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Just because you are having a tough time doesn’t mean that you should give your child away. Our Heavenly Father will not give you a child that you can not handle. It sounds like you are taking the easy way out. Stop being selfish. He will probably never be adopted and just live in the orphanage until he is a certain age ,then he will be put into a spacial needs home. My husband and myself Had some tough times also. Not enough money to pay rent , so we had to move out of our apartment, not enough money to buy food or anything. We didn’t give our baby away. Try applying for housing assistance and welfare. They will help you until you both figure something out.
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:15 pm
You should do what is best for your son. You could set up a private adoption. See if child services can help you find a couple who are willing and able to adopt your son or even a foster parent to take care of him while you and your husband get on your feet.
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:44 pm
well,it depends,but i have a question 4 u,and plz respond asap.r u a christian?
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Do not give the kid up for adoption. I agree with zaxraider, let the kid stay with a trusted relative untill you are better able. If you put the child up for adoption, you will probably never see your son again and you would wonder all the time how is he doing and what might have been. God bless you for doing all that you are. Hang in there.
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Hi,
I hope that what I am about to say is of help to you. Please do not give your baby up for adoption. You will most likely regret this decision later on in your life. I have a one year old son and a new daughter. Only 15 months between children. My daughter was born with a severe health problem, had surgery at one week of age and needs to have special medical care for now on, not her fault. My husband and I live in an apartment and the kids do quite well with this. You do not have to live in a house to be a good parent. I know that you want the best for your son. There are other programs that can help pay for your son’s needs. That is too bad that your state health insurance does not pay for prescriptions. That must be hard. I would contact your local case worker through the state or a community social worker. Depending on what your son’s “special need” is there are special agencies for almost any disorder or disability. For example, there is an autism support group that helps to pay for needed items for children with autism. Hope that I have helped.
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 pm
I can’t imagine how you feel or what you are going through. I am very sorry to hear your story. I don’t think that you can take advice from a bunch of crazy people answering questions on yahoo. I feel that you need to dig deep into your heart to know what you think is best for your child. Like others have said, a special needs child will probably not be adopted over a healthy child and may be bounced around from home to home. Do you have any family that can help you out in this time of need? It sounds as if you need to find someone you can talk to and that you can trust. Talk to an adoption agency and find out what they suggest. Either way, it is going to be tough. It sounds like it can’t get much worse. Good luck in whatever you decide. I will pray for you and your family.
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Honey, you need to talk to some one about benefits for your son, just until you all get back on your feet.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, and wish that I could help you more.
I wish you the best of luck in the future.
November 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Sounds like you’re desperately stressed and badly need help and support.
You need someone who can tell you what help may be out there for a family in your situation.
You need a referral to someone who can help you determine what options there are for you.
1. Call your son’s doctor’s office and tell them you need a referral to some kind of social service provider. It is important for your child’s well-being;
2. If you belong to a church, call your church. They make it their business to have a good Rolodex in case people need social-services assistance;
3. I happen to know that at least in some areas, Catholic Charities has got a Family Assistance Service that would probably have expertise in this area. In all dioceses, as far as I know, they do see clients who are not Catholic and some clients who are not Christian. Look in the yellow pages or go online and google the words “catholic charities” or “catholic social services” and the name of your state.
4. Or go online and look for “social services” plus “family” plus name of your county. Start calling whatever agencies there are till you get the name of someplace that can help you.
November 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
No offense, but I know people in a lower state than you, and although things may seem to be going wrong, it’s a real test of your family bonds and strengths. I know single parents living in the ghetto who live in closet-sized apartments who struggle to eat and live, but make it work because they’d rather struggle to provide for their family than to give up and give their kids away, that would be the LAST thing they’d ever do. yea he needs medication, yea he needs extra care, but only you can give him what he needs as a mother. Obviously your well off enough to have this computer to write to this forum, but you should think about what youre saying. I think your son needs YOU, no one else. and im surprised to hear a mother so desperate as to give up her son. there are a lot of government agencies that can help, relatives maybe that can help… but if you give up on your son just because he’s too expensive to care for, and requires too much special attention, then maybe you should give him up, he deserves better… but i think this all comes down to money since he’s “draining” your assets. i really hope this isnt the case…
November 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
First I’m sorry about your situation. It really does sound like right now things are bad. You have to understand no one should give you advice on placing your child up for adoption. I understand you want the best for your baby, we all want the best for our children. Have you talked with some of the adoption agencies? You said your child is a “special needs ” child, have you asked what are his chances of being adopted are? I know this may sound harsh but some people might not want to take on that much of a responsibility. You are a strong woman for having done so, but it’s part of being a parent. Is there a chance you are just overwhelmed by the situation you are in? Have you contacted any special needs services that could help you out financially right now or help with the medical cost? If you are set on placing him for adoption, how about an open adoption so you could still have contact with him. It’s obvious you love you son. This isn’t going to be an easy decision and I wouldn’t want to be in you shoes. I’ll be praying for you and your family.
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:52 am
Have you thought of moving to another town with more opportunities? Talk to his dr, too. He might be able to get you help. Seems there has to be some sort of agency that can help, especially since you have a special needs child. What about your husband staying home and you getting a job? Is there a church pantry nearby that can provide you with food?
God Bless you!!
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:57 am
I would carefully think this out…
I almost gave up my baby because I didn’t think I could handle another baby when I had 2 older girls, one receiving health care 2 hours away in another state for her kidneys on top of physical therapy, oral therapy, and speech therapy.
I contacted adoption agency’s and relatives about taking her.
I wound up keeping my 3rd daughter. I found other things available in our area to help care for her. There was care net pregnancy center that helped with items for a baby (crib, swing, car seat, clothes) things needed to care for the baby.
I applied for other programs my state had available for my special needs daughter… YOUR LOCAL REPRESENTATIVE may help you go over these things that are available.
I found out that my daughters insurance (also provided by the state) would cover her formula costs that the WIC program didn’t cover (it was 300 a month). Also speak with your child’s doctor he may be able to somehow get the formula for you also free.
There are programs out there to help you. You could also look at what you are spending in your household. Cut back. Its hard but it can be done.
I think it will be a really hard thing to let your baby go…
If you can’t find more recourse’s in your area maybe the answer would be to move to a city where they have more available.
November 23rd, 2009 at 1:50 am
Isn’t your husband getting benefits from the navy?
Can’t you seek out community programs?
Can you move out of your small town?
Can’t your husband get a desk job?, You don’t need a functioning knee to get a desk job.
If you do adopt him out he will probably go from institution to institution like one answer said or be adopted by someone with 20 other “special needs” kids
small towns have churches, join and ask for help. Good luck
and think about what would happen 3 years from now if your life is turned around, would you be hard on yourself for giving up your child when the going got rough?
November 23rd, 2009 at 1:54 am
Since you can get WIC, you can get other help. In Ohio, there is a large amount of help for special needs kids and I imagine other states are the same. I personally know of two families who get doctor bills, baby sitters, and NUMEROUS other assistance because of the SN kids. If you are in need of housing, check to see if assistance with housing is available, like HUD or habitat for humanity. Get rid of extras like Internet, cable TV (if you have it) etc. If you put him up for adoption, it is doubtful that he will be adopted. If you are having the problems you say you are, keep looking, there’s help.
November 23rd, 2009 at 2:45 am
No one can make that decision for you. And you have a tough one. I know things are seeming very dark and there’s little hope. Do you belong to a church? Many churches have assistence,e specially for special needs children. Dig deeper into the State’s welfare system. See if you can find something that will help special needs children. Research is your friend. Have you talked to friends and family? See if there’s anyone who will help. See if there’s someone who would be willing to babysit so you can find at least a part time job. You and your husband have a lot to talk about. This is a decision only you two can make. I hope everything turns out well.
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:42 am
I cant help you decide whether or not to put your baby up for adoption; however, there is help out there. Some of the things, I would try is (1) Social Security Ad–maybe because of your husband’s disability and your child’s special needs you could get SSI. Also, you said that your husband has a military service disability, have you tried the VA–you do not have to be 100% disabled to get a partial pension from the VA. Also, go to or call the Department of Family and Children’s Svcs. they could get you other sources of help. Maybe they know whether or not the manufacturer of your baby’s formula will give you a discount or furnish the formula free. Also, talk to your regilious leader, maybe there is something the church can do to help . Good luck and let us know if 3-4 months how everything is
November 23rd, 2009 at 4:15 am
How about if your husband can’t find a job, he stays home with your son and you get a job?
November 23rd, 2009 at 4:40 am
my advice to you is pt your faith in god!! He won’t give you what you can’t handle!! I am from a little small town in Missouri and I mean little my husband left me to raise 3 babies all by myself age from 4,2,and just a few months old. No home no car no nothing!! I went from home to home living with everyone I could I even broke down and stayed with my dad. I did what I had to do to raise my kids. Maybe your husband needs to stay home with the baby and you work. their are alot of things the state provides did you know they have state paid daycare? Food Stamps they have special services that will even take you and your baby to the doctor and if your baby has to stay in the hospital they also pay for you and your husband to stay in a hotel. Don’t be afraid to live off the state that is what it is for. People that really need help not for people who don’t want to work. Please don’t give your baby up!! You wouldn’t be able to live with it.
November 23rd, 2009 at 4:57 am
Oh, sweetie. Keep your baby. There are resourses out there, you just gotta find them.
Have you spoken to a social worker? Local churches? Local food banks? I know you live in a small town, but maybe someone knows about more programs to help you all. Be loud and nosy. The “squeeky wheel” and all that.
Your state has programs, you gotta do the research to find them. Get the book about government grants. I think it’s called “free government money” or something like that. The one that stupid guy in the green suit with black question marks all over it sells on TV. That book is filled with programs to pay your rent, medicine, and everything you can think of. All you need is a handicap, or a handicapped kid. Seriously.
Also, contact the foundation associated with his disease. They sometimes have resourses for families. Example: my uncle was in kidney failure, contacted the kidney foundation and got all his medical expenses taken care of.
You have to do the research and find the places. Then they have you fill out reams of papers and stand on your head and spit (exageration, you know what I mean). But they can get you what you need.
Contact the department of Children and Families. Or whatever it’s called in your state. They can help you too.
Sometimes you can put your kid in foster care temporarily, giving you time to get everything back in order. Beware though, once in foster care, the state has a hard time giving kids back. It might be an option though.
I’m so sorry for your trouble. I don’t know if you are Faithful, but I’m praying for you.
November 23rd, 2009 at 5:56 am
O.k…i deeply think u should keep ur only son. Never give up and have faith. I know it can be hard but u have each other for strength.Why dont u ask frends or family for support? Or move somewhere more where its reliable in medical care? And your husband should try to find a job. You must keep trying for ur sons sake;i mean lets say u DID put him up for adoption as a ultimate last resort. In the future to come, when you and ur husband work things out and can provide him, won’t u want him back?? I’ve heard that its rarely possible to get an adopted child back. I really hope everything works out, for your story has really melted my teenage heart which rarely happens.
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:28 am
Take a breath and calm down. Aren’t there resources out there you can turn too? Is there a 4 C’s agency that could help you? As for government aide, why won’t they pay for daycare?
Look the state should help you with some of your problems. If you husband isn’t working and niether are you. ALl you should have to do is go down to your local family independence agency and file for help. They ought to be able to give you cash assistance food stamps and insurance…plus daycare. Here in michigan if you file for cash assistance and don’t have a job they make you attend work first. Which is a program that will help you both find a job…and they give you gas money to look for a job and will fix your car and everything. They will pay for daycare so you can go to work first.
And your local 4C office should hlep you find daycare suitable for your needs. There are plenty of daycares that take on speical needs children. And as a matter of fact, it is against the law for any daycare to refuse you service.
I understand that you are feeling depressed right now. I too have been in a situation like this. I was very young and just had a baby and my mom was an alcoholic. We got evicted and she went her way and I went mine. i was only 16. I wasn’t in school. Couldn’t get a job. Had no help. I felt alone. I was with my boyfriend but he was in the same boat i was. So we went into a local shelter and they really helped us out. They helped us find a place to live and gave us all the stuff we needed for the apt.
The state will even help with a car if one of you is working full time.
Things can only get better once you reach rock bottom.
I completely understand how stressed you are but don’t make a mistake and put your son up for adoption. I know you want the best for him. And as long as you are giving your best that is good enough. As long as he has somewhere to live, food to eat, a clean diaper…his proper meds…he will be ok.
Please check into your local resources. And call some local churches. Don’t be embarrassed to explain your situation.
Remember once you reach rock bottom things can only get better.
November 23rd, 2009 at 7:22 am
if u cant afford this baby then i think u should put him up for adoption i think thats the best thing right now
:]
November 23rd, 2009 at 8:00 am
dont do it. your son is your flesh in blood. I remember when I needed a lot of attention because I entered this world a a breech baby and my mom and give me up for adoption. what she did is she took good care of me with what she had and at that time her resources were very poor.
now that I am a married man, I do realize how much love my mom did put into me and for me I am truely greatful to her for everything that she has done.
God knows that you are having problems but He doesn’t want you to quit. He wants you to continue to be the best mother to your boy possible because the good Lord does work in miracles and He only asks you to trust in Him and to pray to Him.
Soon you will with God’s help what I truely do mean.
For your son’s sake, don’t do it. Giving him up is like saying that you have tryed everything but you are wrong. in everything you must take a bit of risk. And your boy will thank you.
November 23rd, 2009 at 8:44 am
dont let people let u down.. they are rude but just let it go.. u are being a great mother..try and keep the baby as long as u can.. seek help maybe from churches and things like that.. just stay strong and dont let people make u feel bad half of them havent even been in a spot close to this one.. my aunt had a baby with needs and she about went broke b/c her husband left and didnt pay support and she was on her own..but she held there and the preacher’s wife watched the baby while she worked and eventully she got back on her feet…
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:03 am
The biggest problem with that is most people want a perfect baby so if you put a “special needs” child up for adoption isn’t not very good chances that he will be adopted. I used to work at a home for mentally challenged adults and it is very hard to find folks willing to work there forget folks wanting to raise one round the clock.
Try looking into scocial security or disability money, also welfare and unemployment. Also when you can get online look at job sites for other areas and try to find a job in a better location then if one of you can find a job put everything into a vehicle (just has to be good enough to get you to the new city) and live out of the vehicle till you have more money. Life will still suck for a while but things could get better if you are persistant.
If you really can’t get anywhere in the next 6 months then if you have thought it all through and still want to try to put him into a home where you can still visit him. It’s not wrong to put him up for adoption, he will get better medical care and food but he’s not likely to live happily ever after like you’d hope. You could try and see if a home can take him for a while till you and your husband can get back on your feet then take him back again.
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:20 am
I know what you mean about rude people answering questions, I just got one rude answer on a question I just posted, and I looked at his profile and sure didn’t see any qualifications when it came to children. Some people in this world can be butt’s, dont let them bother you. I too have to make a decision with my son, a little different story than yours, but hits close to home as I feel like I will be losing a son. Even though I know I will have visitations.
To answer your question, I wouldn’t give him up for adoption, I have read your question well, I get it that you dont have many family members. There has to be someone in your family that can provide for him in a much greater way than you can.
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:12 am
That’s a very tough decision; however I can tell you love your son deeply. Being a good parents is doing what’s best for your child, sacrifice things for them, which is seems clear you are. This is something you and your husband will have to ultimately decide.
There would be some people willing to take in a child with special needs most of them are older. I read an article of a woman who had adopted 5 special needs children. It true that a special needs child isn’t always the easiest to place but the same can be said of older children and even mixed kids.
There are other options you could temporarily give guardianship to a relative or a close friend who would be willing, in till you all can get back on your feet. What skills does your spouse have, would finding a job else where be an option for you all?
If you do go with adoption now a days you can go with an open adoption so you’d still be able to be in his life, get some photos, letters and visitation.
If you feel you need an ear to talk to feel free to email me spirit_shurtugal@yahoo.com
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:11 am
I wish I could just give you a long – appropriate – hug. Or a lot of money. I can just imagine the stress you and your husband are under. It must seem like these bad times will never end. They always do, tho – the variable is how long can we hang on?
Can you go to the state and talk about sharing custody with him so he will qualify for aid? I understand people do that. Also, almost all states have health insurance for children programs. In addition, you should try to get some churches to put their money with their mouths are and cough up some assistance for you.
Do you have freecycle through Yahoo Groups in your community? You can ask for a car through that. Check Yahoo Groups.
If you will post your region and his special need, I will do all the research I can to find you some resources.
If you gave up your child, you would be repeating a cycle in your life that I think would always bring your heart ache. Also, his heart ache would always be there, for he is old enough to remember and miss you forever.
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:53 am
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is give your child something better than you can give. Only you can know that, because only you know your situation.
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Some people just don’t understand what it takes, physically, mentally and financially to raise a child with special needs. My son contracted spinal meningitis when he was nine days old, we were told not to bother to take him home, that he would never walk, sit up, or fed himself. He did that and much more, he is now 30 years old, and living on his own. There were bad times, I won’t lie to you. My husband was in the navy at the time. And I am sure that a lot of people will dismiss this or make it seem like I’m trying to force it down your throat, I’m not. I will tell you only that it helped me. Please, before you put him up for adoption, talk to your Pastor. If you don’t go to Church, then please, now is the time to. Maybe the Pastor can set things in motion for you to get the help you need. Children are a blessing from God, those that have special needs are given to those of us whom God feels can do the job best.
Remember that, baby girl, and you, your son and your husband will never be alone. Please let me know how it goes for you.
you and yours are in my prayers
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:29 pm
This is truly horrible. I could not imagine what you are going through in your marriage and as parents. Check into all options to keep your son with you. Start attending a local church and ask for outreach and I am sure they will bless you with monetary or even physical item donations. Apply for medicare and/or other aid with the state. Consider moving into a homeless shelter to help further your cause. I will pray for you and your family.
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Here is one resource that may help.
November 23rd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
simple answer DON’T you will regret it.
November 23rd, 2009 at 2:24 pm
You are in a tough situation, but do not give up your son, you will regret it later. There are churches and places that can help you. I know that it may be embarassing but get on food stamps. That will help some. Have you tried to get your son on Medicaid? Do you not have any family anywhere that you can move close to. Or some family that can help out?
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Long story short is that you need to gather as much data (hard facts and info) as possible.
Contact ANYONE and EVERYONE who might have an idea about how to get help. The phone book, the State, the doctor’s offices, Navy Relief, your local churches and government representatives. Hell, call the damn newspaper if you’re having trouble finding info.
I can’t tell you WHAT to do, but if it were me, I would be trying to get as much info as possible to help that child.
And don’t forget yourself. You need to be in good health to care for him. This means that you need to EAT and go to the doctor, etc. Same for your husband.
There’s no guarantee that he will get BETTER care with someone else, so I’d make sure I tried everything possible to research ALL the options.
Can you prove that you were renting to own? Then call Legal Aid. Ask them to go to the Estate and see if something can be worked out. Is there a Veteran’s Group (VFW, etc.) near you? Can they refer you to help?
Don’t know what state you’re in, but our state library system has a service where librarians will answer questions and research the answers. They also have many pamphlets for the local aid agencies in the lobby.
Ronald McDonald charities may also help.
Best of luck with this situation.
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:16 pm
u are not doing anything wrong so dun care about those stupid remarks made by others
u are right,your son deserves the best
but it will not be easy to put him up for adoption because of his “special needs” but u can find help from associations or u can put him in a institute
at least until u can support him